i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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