I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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