Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
