I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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