it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
