I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
