i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I need moral support for this bender
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
