Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
