Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
