I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
