Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
