seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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