nut hugger
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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