I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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