You really coming over, don't trick.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
