I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Fuck appropriateness.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
