I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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