Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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