During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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