i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
