also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
