I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
