why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
