Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
