Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
