Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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