Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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