my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
