he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
