I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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