somebody snuck up and got me drunk
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Watching her eat just hurts me
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
