Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
