I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
