We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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