i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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