Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
