Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
