I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
