I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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