after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
