I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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