Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
