Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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