there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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