your parents love me but you hate me
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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