We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
