im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
