hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
