I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
