Christians are straight up FREAKS
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
