i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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