I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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