What did we do last night that was yellow?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my sisters under your porch take her home
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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