my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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