Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize