As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
