it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize