Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
