Well apparently he's into motor boating.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
