Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
