at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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