i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
