You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
