I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
