You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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