Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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