how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
They took my balls.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
