if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
