Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
